late night rant...

I can't sleep. I dislike when this happens. Especially on a Saturday night, good thing I got someone to teach Sunday School in my place tomorrow. I don't think I will be a very happy camper come the morning.

I feel like there's so many things racing through my brain and I have no one that I can talk to about them. Most of it involves the church. I'm so angry with the church! And I have been for some time now. I'm just so sick of pretending, of plastic people who hide behind a mask every Sunday morning. What I am about to type out is a vent. Forgive me if I sound bitter, it's because I am.

GOD created mankind to be relational. First and foremost with Him but also with fellow man. I really believe that, correct me if I am heretical. But we aren't alone in this world, we are connected. GOD created us to be in fellowship with one another, obviously when sin entered the world that was messed up though. Now we live in such an induvidualistic world. We think of ourselves all the time and we do whatever we can to maintain our 'privacy' and put up walls to the rest of the world around us. I mean think of it, mp3 players, iPods, Nintendo DS, they all cut us off from people around us. And we do it in the church too.

Maybe it isn't the same for everybody (I really hope it's not) but my typical Sunday looks something like this...I wake up and look through my closet wondering what will be acceptable to wear. By acceptable I don't mean appropriate I mean that I wonder what I can wear that people won't judge me for. I never do that on any other day of the week, I wear what I am comfortable in. But for some reason on Sundays I feel like I have to step it up a few notches and wear things that I normally wouldn't wear because its "church approved". Then I go to church and I sing the songs, I listen to the announcments and then comes my favourite part, prayer and praise time.

The prayer requests are never personal. Never. It's always for someone else in the family, or a family in town that we know is going through something hard or different events that the church is having. For a while I would shake things up and throw in something personal about myself and what I was going through. Not all the time, just every few months or so. I could tell it made people uncomfortable and I stopped after I realized that even when they prayed for my request it was made into a generalization for everyone in the church and not just me, what I was going through.

Then comes the sermon. No comment.

I'm so tired of being angry and bitter. It's hindering my relationship with GOD and it's hindering my relationships within the church, but I don't know who I can talk to about it that will actually listen. I don't know how to make things better.

I suppose first I have to start with me and fix my attitude. It's bad. But it's so hard, every Sunday the cycle starts again and I leave church either bitter or very, very sad.

The Meaning of a Hug

Arms go out to another in a warm embrace. The gesture is self-explanatory, "I include you in my circle of caring." A hug is a spontaneous signal of acceptance. A hug holds a universe of silent meaning. Loving mothers hug their babies. Parents hug children of all ages. In all of humanity, embracing is a symbol of togetherness and belonging.

Our Father in Heaven will greet each of us back into his presence with a hug. Christ reaches with outstretched arms to enfold each of us in his love.

Hugs are loaded with benefits. "Hugging is healthy: it helps our body's immune system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug." (Author unknown, from Adventures With Personology) Hugs benefit both the giver and the receiver. Renowned psychologist Leo Buscaglia stresses the importance of daily supplements of hugs. Every person needs at least three hugs every day. Husbands, wives, parents and children all have their own minimum daily requirement of heartfelt affection. More hugs would improve our overall well-being.

Rules For Hugging:

1. Let your hug be pure, meaning simply, "I care for you."

2. A hug is neutral territory. By closing the space with your loved one, there is no room in that moment for disagreements or grudges--only acceptance, understanding and sympathy.

3. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven ... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" (from Ecclesiastes, or the Preacher 3). If you aren't sure if it's the right time for a hug, it's appropriate to ask.

4. A hug may only be given, not taken.

5. A request for a hug from your spouse should never be left ungranted.

6. Live in the moment of a hug. Don't let anything distract your attention. From an early age, our little one seemed to be aware of everything going on around him. He was so aware that, when I wanted to cuddle, it was like trying to hug a radar antenna. He was eager to absorb and assimilate the whole world in every moment. He was everywhere except in the hug. I resigned myself, thinking that was the price to loving a baby genius. But as he grew he became more cuddly. Now at 15 months, he melts into hugs and enjoys cuddling to sleep like other babies. For small children, a hug is a moment of eternity. Sometimes they can sustain a hug forever, without being distracted by the cares of the world. We can learn a lot from babies.

Let our hugs be pure and our affection for our loved ones genuine.