"If I ain't busy doing something I'm busy thinking of something to do"

Fall is a busy, busy time of year. Did I mention I'm busy? But I love it, even when it seems insane! God is putting together some great stuff and I'm very excited to be a part of it! I'll tell you all about it later, after I'm finished looking like this from all the rushing around...



Juuuuust kiddin!

When the heart hurts

Today I felt my heart breaking. Debbie is moving on Wednesday. Mind you this isn't just a little move as in a couple hours away to Saskatoon move, it's fourteen hours away; two provinces over.

It hit me reeeeally hard today and I pretty much cried off and on all day long.

Now because I am somewhat of a geek I sometimes think in facebook status. Today some of the thoughts I had were "Joni's heart is breaking", "Joni needs some glue and duct tape to fix her broken heart", "Joni is extremely sad". (Did I also mention I'm a bit dramatic at times?) And then tonight at church I was asking God what He wanted to say to me and while I stood there listening this is what He whispered in my heart...

"I want to share your heartbreak."

There are a few passages in the Bible where it talks about God fixing broken hearts, "He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." [Psalm 124:3] but God didn't say to me, 'I want to FIX your broken heart' He said He wanted to SHARE my heartbreak. In Psalm 34:18 it says that God "is close to the brokenhearted". I believe that our God is a compassionate God who is closely involved in His childrens lives. He rejoices with us in our blessings and He allows Himself to share our pain. I really do believe that. Why do I believe that? Because I see it displayed in people.

Ever since the fall of man pain has been a part of this world. Physical pain, emotional pain, people have given all sorts of different labels for pain but in short, it exists. Some people will run when they sense another is in pain and need. It's just true, pain is a pretty tough thing for anyone and some people just can't take it. Some people really like to fix pain, they love to walk into a situation that has hurt someone and do what they can to fix it; to restore or repair the damage that has ben done. Usually when I think of fixing pain and heartache I think of Red Cross Disaster Relief Volunteers. The Red Cross is an awesome organization that will step in when disaster has torn apart an area. Disaster Relief does a lot of really great work in fixing broken homes, restoring lost possessions and returning people back to their normal sitation. Then there are the people who are willing to share others pain. Greg Paul, who wrote God in the Alley said, "Being among people means being in their midst, not outside. It means being with them , not being over them. It means not looking away from their agony or humiliation, but beholding it and having the courage to be also wounded by their pain." Permiting yourself to be wounded by another's pain is pretty deep. It doesn't mean taking their burden upon yourself (since God is the burden bearer, we don't want to be taking His job!) but it means allowing them to express themself and pointing them towards the One who truly can heal their broken heart. It may mean sitting with them while they cry, walking along beside them as they face what's causing the pain, not always having a "right" answer. It might even mean crying with them, going for a meal with them and paying the bill. Sharing pain has many different faces. "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. live in harmony with one another..." [Romans 12:15-16] There are lots of people in this world who are willing to share another's pain: some ministers, trauma psychologists, sometimes it's not a career thing it's just who you are as a person with the people you love.

And since man was created in the image of God I believe that He also is willing to share our pain.

God allowed me to cry today, to be sad because I am going to miss Debbie more then words can express. He didn't scoff at me, ignore me, or tell me to get over it. What He did do is say that He would share my pain and hold me close to Him in this time.

Because of that, I know that it's right to feel this way and I know that this too shall pass.

People don't believe it's true...

Shy 1 (sh)
adj. shi·er (shr) or shy·er, shi·est (shst) or shy·est
1. Easily startled; timid.
2. a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.
b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.
3. Distrustful; wary: shy of strangers.
Synonyms: shy1, bashful, diffident, modest, coy, demure
These adjectives mean not forward but marked by a retiring nature, reticence, or a reserve of manner. One who is shy draws back from others, either because of a withdrawn nature or out of timidity: "The poor man was shy and hated society" (George Bernard Shaw).
Bashful suggests self-consciousness or awkwardness in the presence of others: "I never laughed, being bashful./Lowering my head, I looked at the wall" (Ezra Pound).
Diffident implies lack of self-confidence: He was too diffident to express his opinion.

I found this definition here

Shy 2 or "shyness"
A crippling condition that causes one to draw away from others in social situations. It is, in fact, a fear of other people, especially people you are not familiar with. This condition can lead to tense relationships, lost opportunities, or a wrong reputation of being "rude" or "stuck up" Shyness has been found to usually be caused by a lack of confidence in ones self and even a dislike of ones self.

I found this definition in the recesses of my brain...

I've always been shy, ever since I was a very little girl. I used to hide when people would come to visit my parents. If I ever had to do a presentation at school I would hold my papers in front of my face. I once puked in front of the entire school at a Christmas concert because I couldn't stand the fact that I was standing in front of all those people, dressed as a snowflake. (I was in grade 2) It's always been a part of who I am. I did grow out of it as I got older and had more opportunities put in front of me. I've sang in front of large crowds of people, I've shared my testimony with complete strangers, I taught English to adults overseas, I even MC'd Millar's YouthEdge! So I'm not hopeless.

But sometimes the shyness creeps up on me and takes over. Especially when I meet new people. Which is really an unfortunate time to get shy because I know from experience that it makes a person look like a snob. I'm not a snob, I'm just really shy! Seriously! I started thinking about why I'm shy. What causes me to want to flee when I'm put into some social situations? It's really a very pitiful and selfish reason...

I don't really like myself all that much at times.

Which is stupid because I know who created me and I know He loves me and sees all sorts of potential in me. Besides, the fact that Christ is in me makes it so that I don't even have to worry about what others think of me, or of being rejected. "Greater is He who is in me then he who is in the world."

Plus I'm scared of people. I really am.

Which is also stupid because they are just people, just like me! So why not just smile and love people, not be scared of them. Afterall, "perfect love casts out all fear..."

all of that AND a muffin?!

Today at work while I was carrying a big bowl of hashbrowns to the brunch buffet the man I went in front of to empty that bowl said to me, "Your husbands must love you ladies, you're such great cooks!"

He was just giving us a simple complement.

So I said, "Thanks!" (to assure him I had caught his complement and was appreciative) "But they never get to eat our cooking because we're always here!" (I said this because I like to think I'm witty and I wanted to make him laugh, which he did.)

Now we all know that I'm not married, but he didn't. So yes, I guess I slightly lied. Well I implied something that isn't true. But he didn't want to stand there while I explained how I wasn't married, he just wanted to let me know the food was good.

So there!