Quoted from the epilogue section of Dr. Dan B. Allender's book, "The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse" (parentheses are mine)
Words to a Friend
You are the friend of someone who has been abused, and you are untrained, inexperienced, and scared. If I am accurate so far, then you have seriously thought about backing out of the relationship with your abused friend. Not that you are going to treat her (or him) like a leper or avoid all contact, but the issue of abuse, the current struggles and fears, are off-limits.
My counsel to you is simple: Don't back off from the frightening terrain of a wounded heart. You may say the wrong things and even cause more harm, but the worst harm is to turn your back. Accept your limitations, but also acknowledge the fact that you are on the front lines of the battle. You may not like to hear it but the fact is, you are a foot soilder, an infantryman who is often the first to take the fire of the enemy.
As a therapist, I see your friend once, or maybe twice a week. You see her (or him) everyday. I deal with significant issues in her (or his) soul, but you talk about the same issues, and even more. I may be necessary to the process, but you are even more so. Let me say it again: You are very important as a friend who will pray, talk, laugh, cry, read, embrace, shout, bake cookies, drive to little league, and live life in intimate proximity. Don't allow your inexperience or your own personal past to keep you from loving well.
Dr. Allender, Dan B., The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, (Colorado Springs, Colorado: NAVPRESS, 1995), 260.
1 comment:
The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
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