Be Joyful WHEN?...

Be Joyful Always.

That's what it says right in the Bible, and I believe the Bible speaks truth into our lives. No matter how silly or hard it may seem. Still don't believe me it says this well let me show you...

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

See, I wasn't joking! Paul was inspired to write those words. And for me those words became truth almost a year ago now. I'm sure you've all heard it before but let me tell you my story...

It was June 2007, a beautiful, sunny day at Silver Birch Bible Camp. It was staff training week and spirits were high. The only thing bothering me was that I had been experienceing headaches on the left side of my head all week. But I just shrugged them off. Anyhow, we were all sitting around the fire pit while Rick Shared a devotional thought. He spoke about I Thessalonians 5:16-18. While He was sharing I knew for certain that God wanted me to pay attention and make this right in my life. So after I got together with 2 of the other girls and asked them to pray for me; that I would give thanks in all circumstances this summer, be joyful no matter what and always be in prayer. Good enough.

It wasn't 4 days later at teen camp when I noticed that something funny was going on with my right eye. I was swimming and happened to close my left eye, that's when I noticed that things were distorted. Have you ever used a Mac computer photobooth? There is one setting you can use, I think it's called squeezed. That's what the world looked like through my right eye. At first I thought maybe it was because I was in the water and didn't have my glasses on so I continued on with teen camp life. By the end of the week I knew something wasn't right. Every time I closed my left eye the world was "squeezed". So when teen camp ended off I was taken to the emergency room in Meadow Lake. The doctor on call looked at me, listened to my explination and said, "I can't tell what's wrong because I'm not an eye doctor, but something is wrong." He proceeded to get in contact with the City Hospitol in Saskatoon, getting me in to see a specialist and get some tests done. That was Friday, the 6th.

On Monday (9th) my parents took me to Saskatoon. There I was faced with one of worst fears, eye drops! (Little did I know then that eye drops were nothing compared) After sitting with the eyedrops in I was seen by a Resident doctor (Who happened to be very good looking), he got out his magnifier and head lamp, reclined my seat and looked deeply into my eyes, sounds romantic huh! Well it wasn't. I don't know if you've ever been to an Ophthalmologist but it's not always pleasant. First there are the drops to numb your eyes, then there are the drops to enlargen your pupils, then the doctor puts a cold magnifier on the skin around your eye and pushes it in to get a better view. If they still aren't happy with the way they are seeing things you get the yellow dye eye drops. Anyway he finished looking at my eyes and proceeded to ask me questions. Was there anyone in my family with a history of MS? Had I ever been tested for Diabetes? Had I ever had a MRI preformed before? Did I know what MS was? Did the colour green appear reddish to me? Was there a dark shadow in my upper vision? On and on it went while he wrote in his little booklet about me. Suddenly he stopped, turned to me and said five words that changed my life, "I believe you have MS."

That's it, just five words. As soon as he said that my entire body shut down. I just stared at him, not even trying to stop the tears. He was talking about neurologist appointments, getting an MRI done as soon as possible, if I understood what MS was and meant. I heard him talking but none of it was sinking in at that moment. My dad came in, heard the doctor's diagnosis, asked what our next step was, grabbed my hand and walked me out of the hospitol. I was still crying, that was in Saskatoon. When we got to North Battleford I had just finally stopped crying.

I was sent to Meadow Lake right away that same night to recieve my first steroid treatment to get the inflimation in my eye nerves down. For the next 3 days I lived with an IV needle stuck in my hand going back to Meadow recieving more steroid treatments. And just in case your wondering, don't ever willingly take steroids. They really mess with your body and emotions.

For the next 21 days I lived with the belief that I had Multiple Sclerosis, it was a scary thing. That section of scripture up there, I Thessalonians 5:16-18, became what I lived by during those days. God really spoke to me in the fact that He truly is in control, even in the crazy times. When we feel like we are walking through a valley and the darkness will never end. Even in those moments to live in the joy of Christ's death and ressurection; in His love for us. I also learned what it means to "pray continually"; just to be in conversation with God every moment of the day. Telling Him what you are experiencing, feeling, scared of, joyful for. July was an intense month for me and I'm so greatful God told me to pay attention when Rick spoke on those verses. I was also thankful for my Silver Birch family. I continued working at camp during all of this and there were a lot of times when I know I was a horrible person to have around. But my friends supported me, prayed for me, allowed me to vent my fears and just were there walking alongside me in the journey. God has blessed me with amazing friends.

July 30th I was sceduled to have an MRI done (You know something serious is wrong when you get in that fast for an MRI) so my parents took me down again and I went to see the same good looking resident doctor for a check up before the MRI. I sat through the dreaded eyedrops again, and sat back as he examined my eyes. When he looked into my right eye I heard him make a small sound of wonder, then he looked again. He sat back and said, "We seem to have a problem" I though to myself, I already have MS what more of a problem could there be. He said it appeared my retina was now detached (he assured me it had not looked that way when he last saw me) and he was going to get his supervisor, the retina specialist, to come have a look. So in comes Dr. R. He gets on his head lamo and looks at my right eye while the good looking doctor keeps saying how my eye didn't look like that before. Dr. R. sits back and says, "Well that's been detached for at least a month, you need to get into surgery today if at all possible."

Thus began the whirlwind of activity that takes place before surgery. I wound up going home that night only to go back to Saskatoon the next day and be admitted into the City Hospitol. I was admitted at about 10:00 in the morning and given a bed in the surgery prep ward. Let me tell you, once you enter the surgery prep ward there are no more secrets! I spent the day in my bed, answering embarassing questions while the lady in the next bed along with her family listened, as well as recieving encouraging visits from poeple in my life. Finally at 10:15pm the call was made to start preparing me for surgery. This began the worst round of eye drops yet! I was then wheeled into the room just outside of the OR where I talked to the anesthetist about what drugs she was going to give me, then I was wheeled into the OR. It was kinda creepy. The last thing I remember was the IV going into my arm and the mask going over my mouth and nose.

Then there was the drug induced night after I was moved out of recovery. That night is all sort of hazy. I said some crazy things that made the nurses laugh and was in a lot of pain, I do remember that.

Morning came and along with it Dr. R (he was the one who preformed the surgery) with a huge smile on his face. He told me that everything had gone really well in the surgery. Although he had to make some last minute changes to the type of surgery he was going to do as he discovered my retina had been detached for an entire year! Then he told me, "I am 100% sure that this all means you do not have MS!" even in my still drugged up and sore state I was very happy! My good looking doctor along with some other student doctors came and had a look at my eye, turns out they had never seen a chronic retnal detachment at the City Hospitol before so all the students wanted a look at me! I waited for a while and then was released to go home...with more eye drops!

I still went for my MRI a couple days later, just to make sure. The results were normal (whatever that means!) and the doctors sent me home a very happy, blessed and greatful girl!

That was basically a really long story to say that God is awesome and He takes care of us. Even in those seasons of life where it seems like He isn't. We need to remember to pray about everything, living in the Joy of Christ and giving God thanks in ALL circumstances.

Clinging

"GOD is by my side no matter what terrain I cover-whether I'm in the wide, open meadow of joy

or on the tough climb through discouragement."

-Jody Houghton

late night rant...

I can't sleep. I dislike when this happens. Especially on a Saturday night, good thing I got someone to teach Sunday School in my place tomorrow. I don't think I will be a very happy camper come the morning.

I feel like there's so many things racing through my brain and I have no one that I can talk to about them. Most of it involves the church. I'm so angry with the church! And I have been for some time now. I'm just so sick of pretending, of plastic people who hide behind a mask every Sunday morning. What I am about to type out is a vent. Forgive me if I sound bitter, it's because I am.

GOD created mankind to be relational. First and foremost with Him but also with fellow man. I really believe that, correct me if I am heretical. But we aren't alone in this world, we are connected. GOD created us to be in fellowship with one another, obviously when sin entered the world that was messed up though. Now we live in such an induvidualistic world. We think of ourselves all the time and we do whatever we can to maintain our 'privacy' and put up walls to the rest of the world around us. I mean think of it, mp3 players, iPods, Nintendo DS, they all cut us off from people around us. And we do it in the church too.

Maybe it isn't the same for everybody (I really hope it's not) but my typical Sunday looks something like this...I wake up and look through my closet wondering what will be acceptable to wear. By acceptable I don't mean appropriate I mean that I wonder what I can wear that people won't judge me for. I never do that on any other day of the week, I wear what I am comfortable in. But for some reason on Sundays I feel like I have to step it up a few notches and wear things that I normally wouldn't wear because its "church approved". Then I go to church and I sing the songs, I listen to the announcments and then comes my favourite part, prayer and praise time.

The prayer requests are never personal. Never. It's always for someone else in the family, or a family in town that we know is going through something hard or different events that the church is having. For a while I would shake things up and throw in something personal about myself and what I was going through. Not all the time, just every few months or so. I could tell it made people uncomfortable and I stopped after I realized that even when they prayed for my request it was made into a generalization for everyone in the church and not just me, what I was going through.

Then comes the sermon. No comment.

I'm so tired of being angry and bitter. It's hindering my relationship with GOD and it's hindering my relationships within the church, but I don't know who I can talk to about it that will actually listen. I don't know how to make things better.

I suppose first I have to start with me and fix my attitude. It's bad. But it's so hard, every Sunday the cycle starts again and I leave church either bitter or very, very sad.

The Meaning of a Hug

Arms go out to another in a warm embrace. The gesture is self-explanatory, "I include you in my circle of caring." A hug is a spontaneous signal of acceptance. A hug holds a universe of silent meaning. Loving mothers hug their babies. Parents hug children of all ages. In all of humanity, embracing is a symbol of togetherness and belonging.

Our Father in Heaven will greet each of us back into his presence with a hug. Christ reaches with outstretched arms to enfold each of us in his love.

Hugs are loaded with benefits. "Hugging is healthy: it helps our body's immune system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug." (Author unknown, from Adventures With Personology) Hugs benefit both the giver and the receiver. Renowned psychologist Leo Buscaglia stresses the importance of daily supplements of hugs. Every person needs at least three hugs every day. Husbands, wives, parents and children all have their own minimum daily requirement of heartfelt affection. More hugs would improve our overall well-being.

Rules For Hugging:

1. Let your hug be pure, meaning simply, "I care for you."

2. A hug is neutral territory. By closing the space with your loved one, there is no room in that moment for disagreements or grudges--only acceptance, understanding and sympathy.

3. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven ... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" (from Ecclesiastes, or the Preacher 3). If you aren't sure if it's the right time for a hug, it's appropriate to ask.

4. A hug may only be given, not taken.

5. A request for a hug from your spouse should never be left ungranted.

6. Live in the moment of a hug. Don't let anything distract your attention. From an early age, our little one seemed to be aware of everything going on around him. He was so aware that, when I wanted to cuddle, it was like trying to hug a radar antenna. He was eager to absorb and assimilate the whole world in every moment. He was everywhere except in the hug. I resigned myself, thinking that was the price to loving a baby genius. But as he grew he became more cuddly. Now at 15 months, he melts into hugs and enjoys cuddling to sleep like other babies. For small children, a hug is a moment of eternity. Sometimes they can sustain a hug forever, without being distracted by the cares of the world. We can learn a lot from babies.

Let our hugs be pure and our affection for our loved ones genuine.

Christmas Time

This Christmas was wonderful! This is the first Christmas I remember actually enjoying the entire day! There was no fighting, no arguing, no awkward or tense moments. Just good food, good conversation and fun!

This year we weren't with the Waugh side of the family.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my family. I really do. It's just that we don't have the "Hallmark movie christmas moments" like most of the families I know! It's always a bit awkward and tense. But we love each other, in our own special ways.

This year about a week or so before Christmas I went to an evening church service in town. The pastor there spoke an amazing sermon that touched me! He talked about advent and how it is a quiet time of expectation for the coming Savior. He talked about Old Testament times, when the people knew a Messiah was coming they just didn't know quite when. The expectation and anticipation they had of that coming day! I wonder what it was like. I constantly forget the true meaning of Christmas. I get so caught up in the purchasing of gifts for others, the Christmas events in town, the Bethlehem Walk, the Christmas dinner to help prepare and how to make things less tense at our family gathering. Not that those are bad things it's just that I forget that over 2000 years ago there was an entire generation of people waiting for a Savior. Truly waiting for Him to save them.

Bah! I don't even know how to word what I am thinking. I'm just happy that GOD came to earth and made a way for us to be with Him again. I also need to remember that there is another time He is coming! And that I should be anticipating and expecting that as well! Sometimes I get too comfortable here in earth. But this is not my home, there is a better place for me yet!! I need to remember to be in a state of waiting for the Messiah to come and get me!!

I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas!

That's something new...

So yesterday I had to go to Saskatoon to the eye specialist again (for those of you who don't know that entire journey I plan to blog it soon so stay tuned!) What a scene! I have to drive almost 4 hours to Saskatoon (I also had to leave at 4:30am to get to my 9:00 appointment, grrrr!) then I sit in the waiting room for almost an hour. When I do finally get in to see the doc this is what happens.

He shakes my hand, asks me how I am doing and we small talk for about 40 seconds. Then he puts a flashlight on his head and picks up the little eye magnifier. He puts it to my right eye and says, "Look left...look right...look up...look down...look right again..." Then he puts it to my left eye and says, "Look right...look left...look up...look down...thank you." After that he puts down the eye magnifier, takes the flashlight off his head sits down in his chair and says, "everything is excellent, come back in a year and then after that if everything is still good I won't need to see you anymore." I thank him and walk out of the office. I was in there for maaaaybe 2 minutes! Crazy I tell ya!

Anyway so now I know what I will be doing December 15, 2008 at 9:10am...that's an entire year away! That NEVER happens to me! I rarely know what I am doing 2 days in advance! I don't think I have ever known a year in advance something that would be specifically happening in my life...I don't think! The real miracle will be if I remember I have a doctor's appointment a year from now!

The First Snow...

There are many emotions that pass through me during the first snow of the winter. First I feel happy inside. The fluffy, white snowflakes falling gently to earth blanketing everything in a pillowy whitness makes everything seem...cozy. I look out the window and I smile.

Then my thoughts turn to the snow shovel I can see just out of the corner of my eye. This bring to mind a somewhat exasperated emotion. Not that shovelling snow is a horrid thing, I just get tired of it!

But then shovelling snow makes me think about skating out on the lake! Which makes me think of building snowmen, making the perfect snow angel and sledding! I feel a kid like giddiness swell up inside on me of all the months of fun to be had!

This brings me to thoughts of how long winter is. Month after month of snow and cold. I may be a Canadian but after Christmas is over I am ready for winter to be too. The emotion that comes with this train of thought is weariness.

But then I remember, "Oh yeah, Christmas! With that one words feelings of joy and thankfulness flood my being! I adore Christmas! I adore what it stands for, I adore the traditional activities that come along with it, I just adore everything about it!

And so I continue to look out my window at the first gentle snowflakes making their soft decent into the world and I continue to smile...