Neighbour alert

Do you remember my neighbour Henry? Well he's technically not my neighbour anymore but he is my parents neighbour and I still see him most days.

Anyway, I'm pretty startled because a few days ago Henry had a heart attack and nobody knew for 2 days! Isn't that absolutely horrible. Poor Henry was laying on the floor in his house for 2 days before anybody found him. I can't even imagine how terrifying that must have been. Number one, he would have been in great amounts of pain. Number two, all he was able to do was lie there and think about death. Number three, not being able to help himself or summon help would have been very frustrating for Henry.

I feel terrible.

You just never know.

He should be home in the next couple of days, sportin a brand new pace maker. I sure hope he also gets one of those alert buttons, although knowing him he probably won't wear it. I'm going to become better at checking up on my neighbours.

it's an emo type of day

"Love like you've never been hurt" is much easier facebook status'd then lived.

Dear Cancer,

Please leave my friends, family and community alone. No one wants you.

Sincerely,
Joni

When the heart hurts

Today I felt my heart breaking. Debbie is moving on Wednesday. Mind you this isn't just a little move as in a couple hours away to Saskatoon move, it's fourteen hours away; two provinces over.

It hit me reeeeally hard today and I pretty much cried off and on all day long.

Now because I am somewhat of a geek I sometimes think in facebook status. Today some of the thoughts I had were "Joni's heart is breaking", "Joni needs some glue and duct tape to fix her broken heart", "Joni is extremely sad". (Did I also mention I'm a bit dramatic at times?) And then tonight at church I was asking God what He wanted to say to me and while I stood there listening this is what He whispered in my heart...

"I want to share your heartbreak."

There are a few passages in the Bible where it talks about God fixing broken hearts, "He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." [Psalm 124:3] but God didn't say to me, 'I want to FIX your broken heart' He said He wanted to SHARE my heartbreak. In Psalm 34:18 it says that God "is close to the brokenhearted". I believe that our God is a compassionate God who is closely involved in His childrens lives. He rejoices with us in our blessings and He allows Himself to share our pain. I really do believe that. Why do I believe that? Because I see it displayed in people.

Ever since the fall of man pain has been a part of this world. Physical pain, emotional pain, people have given all sorts of different labels for pain but in short, it exists. Some people will run when they sense another is in pain and need. It's just true, pain is a pretty tough thing for anyone and some people just can't take it. Some people really like to fix pain, they love to walk into a situation that has hurt someone and do what they can to fix it; to restore or repair the damage that has ben done. Usually when I think of fixing pain and heartache I think of Red Cross Disaster Relief Volunteers. The Red Cross is an awesome organization that will step in when disaster has torn apart an area. Disaster Relief does a lot of really great work in fixing broken homes, restoring lost possessions and returning people back to their normal sitation. Then there are the people who are willing to share others pain. Greg Paul, who wrote God in the Alley said, "Being among people means being in their midst, not outside. It means being with them , not being over them. It means not looking away from their agony or humiliation, but beholding it and having the courage to be also wounded by their pain." Permiting yourself to be wounded by another's pain is pretty deep. It doesn't mean taking their burden upon yourself (since God is the burden bearer, we don't want to be taking His job!) but it means allowing them to express themself and pointing them towards the One who truly can heal their broken heart. It may mean sitting with them while they cry, walking along beside them as they face what's causing the pain, not always having a "right" answer. It might even mean crying with them, going for a meal with them and paying the bill. Sharing pain has many different faces. "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. live in harmony with one another..." [Romans 12:15-16] There are lots of people in this world who are willing to share another's pain: some ministers, trauma psychologists, sometimes it's not a career thing it's just who you are as a person with the people you love.

And since man was created in the image of God I believe that He also is willing to share our pain.

God allowed me to cry today, to be sad because I am going to miss Debbie more then words can express. He didn't scoff at me, ignore me, or tell me to get over it. What He did do is say that He would share my pain and hold me close to Him in this time.

Because of that, I know that it's right to feel this way and I know that this too shall pass.

The old...remains?

(New Living Version)
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

(Contemporary English Version)
Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new.

(King James Version)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

(Amplified Bible)
Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!

No matter which translation I read it in 2 Corinthians 5:17 seems to being saying the same thing to me...when you accept Christ into your life and in return give Him yours there's supposed to be a drastic change in you. The old has passed away, how did the CEV put it? "The past is forgotton." What about when your past keeps hitting you in the face?

And I'm not even talking about temptation to sin. I more mean when the past...haunts you, so to speak, and causes you to feel a way that you know God never intended for your life. When Adam and Eve were created and placed in the garden they didn't know what it felt like to be ashamed, or rejected, or unloved, or unwanted. That all came after the fall of man and all of those will pass away when the new Heaven and Earth are set in place. But we live in a fallen world, these are part of our life. Yet I'm supposed to be a "new creation", all those old things are to be gone; passed away; forgotton. Still I come to the same question: what about when they are constantly being brought before you again and again?

It's gets exhausting to fight it. Inevitably someone will do or say something that brings up all these horrible feelings from my past. Sometimes I don't even know what triggered them, they just jump up and shout, "SURPRISE! Now deal with it in a godly manner." Maybe it comes down to believing I am who Christ says I am through Him...maybe I don't really believe that in my heart and in my spirit.

I'm probably not making sense, I need to think about this more and spend some more time in the Word about it. Hmmm...

Be Joyful WHEN?...

Be Joyful Always.

That's what it says right in the Bible, and I believe the Bible speaks truth into our lives. No matter how silly or hard it may seem. Still don't believe me it says this well let me show you...

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

See, I wasn't joking! Paul was inspired to write those words. And for me those words became truth almost a year ago now. I'm sure you've all heard it before but let me tell you my story...

It was June 2007, a beautiful, sunny day at Silver Birch Bible Camp. It was staff training week and spirits were high. The only thing bothering me was that I had been experienceing headaches on the left side of my head all week. But I just shrugged them off. Anyhow, we were all sitting around the fire pit while Rick Shared a devotional thought. He spoke about I Thessalonians 5:16-18. While He was sharing I knew for certain that God wanted me to pay attention and make this right in my life. So after I got together with 2 of the other girls and asked them to pray for me; that I would give thanks in all circumstances this summer, be joyful no matter what and always be in prayer. Good enough.

It wasn't 4 days later at teen camp when I noticed that something funny was going on with my right eye. I was swimming and happened to close my left eye, that's when I noticed that things were distorted. Have you ever used a Mac computer photobooth? There is one setting you can use, I think it's called squeezed. That's what the world looked like through my right eye. At first I thought maybe it was because I was in the water and didn't have my glasses on so I continued on with teen camp life. By the end of the week I knew something wasn't right. Every time I closed my left eye the world was "squeezed". So when teen camp ended off I was taken to the emergency room in Meadow Lake. The doctor on call looked at me, listened to my explination and said, "I can't tell what's wrong because I'm not an eye doctor, but something is wrong." He proceeded to get in contact with the City Hospitol in Saskatoon, getting me in to see a specialist and get some tests done. That was Friday, the 6th.

On Monday (9th) my parents took me to Saskatoon. There I was faced with one of worst fears, eye drops! (Little did I know then that eye drops were nothing compared) After sitting with the eyedrops in I was seen by a Resident doctor (Who happened to be very good looking), he got out his magnifier and head lamp, reclined my seat and looked deeply into my eyes, sounds romantic huh! Well it wasn't. I don't know if you've ever been to an Ophthalmologist but it's not always pleasant. First there are the drops to numb your eyes, then there are the drops to enlargen your pupils, then the doctor puts a cold magnifier on the skin around your eye and pushes it in to get a better view. If they still aren't happy with the way they are seeing things you get the yellow dye eye drops. Anyway he finished looking at my eyes and proceeded to ask me questions. Was there anyone in my family with a history of MS? Had I ever been tested for Diabetes? Had I ever had a MRI preformed before? Did I know what MS was? Did the colour green appear reddish to me? Was there a dark shadow in my upper vision? On and on it went while he wrote in his little booklet about me. Suddenly he stopped, turned to me and said five words that changed my life, "I believe you have MS."

That's it, just five words. As soon as he said that my entire body shut down. I just stared at him, not even trying to stop the tears. He was talking about neurologist appointments, getting an MRI done as soon as possible, if I understood what MS was and meant. I heard him talking but none of it was sinking in at that moment. My dad came in, heard the doctor's diagnosis, asked what our next step was, grabbed my hand and walked me out of the hospitol. I was still crying, that was in Saskatoon. When we got to North Battleford I had just finally stopped crying.

I was sent to Meadow Lake right away that same night to recieve my first steroid treatment to get the inflimation in my eye nerves down. For the next 3 days I lived with an IV needle stuck in my hand going back to Meadow recieving more steroid treatments. And just in case your wondering, don't ever willingly take steroids. They really mess with your body and emotions.

For the next 21 days I lived with the belief that I had Multiple Sclerosis, it was a scary thing. That section of scripture up there, I Thessalonians 5:16-18, became what I lived by during those days. God really spoke to me in the fact that He truly is in control, even in the crazy times. When we feel like we are walking through a valley and the darkness will never end. Even in those moments to live in the joy of Christ's death and ressurection; in His love for us. I also learned what it means to "pray continually"; just to be in conversation with God every moment of the day. Telling Him what you are experiencing, feeling, scared of, joyful for. July was an intense month for me and I'm so greatful God told me to pay attention when Rick spoke on those verses. I was also thankful for my Silver Birch family. I continued working at camp during all of this and there were a lot of times when I know I was a horrible person to have around. But my friends supported me, prayed for me, allowed me to vent my fears and just were there walking alongside me in the journey. God has blessed me with amazing friends.

July 30th I was sceduled to have an MRI done (You know something serious is wrong when you get in that fast for an MRI) so my parents took me down again and I went to see the same good looking resident doctor for a check up before the MRI. I sat through the dreaded eyedrops again, and sat back as he examined my eyes. When he looked into my right eye I heard him make a small sound of wonder, then he looked again. He sat back and said, "We seem to have a problem" I though to myself, I already have MS what more of a problem could there be. He said it appeared my retina was now detached (he assured me it had not looked that way when he last saw me) and he was going to get his supervisor, the retina specialist, to come have a look. So in comes Dr. R. He gets on his head lamo and looks at my right eye while the good looking doctor keeps saying how my eye didn't look like that before. Dr. R. sits back and says, "Well that's been detached for at least a month, you need to get into surgery today if at all possible."

Thus began the whirlwind of activity that takes place before surgery. I wound up going home that night only to go back to Saskatoon the next day and be admitted into the City Hospitol. I was admitted at about 10:00 in the morning and given a bed in the surgery prep ward. Let me tell you, once you enter the surgery prep ward there are no more secrets! I spent the day in my bed, answering embarassing questions while the lady in the next bed along with her family listened, as well as recieving encouraging visits from poeple in my life. Finally at 10:15pm the call was made to start preparing me for surgery. This began the worst round of eye drops yet! I was then wheeled into the room just outside of the OR where I talked to the anesthetist about what drugs she was going to give me, then I was wheeled into the OR. It was kinda creepy. The last thing I remember was the IV going into my arm and the mask going over my mouth and nose.

Then there was the drug induced night after I was moved out of recovery. That night is all sort of hazy. I said some crazy things that made the nurses laugh and was in a lot of pain, I do remember that.

Morning came and along with it Dr. R (he was the one who preformed the surgery) with a huge smile on his face. He told me that everything had gone really well in the surgery. Although he had to make some last minute changes to the type of surgery he was going to do as he discovered my retina had been detached for an entire year! Then he told me, "I am 100% sure that this all means you do not have MS!" even in my still drugged up and sore state I was very happy! My good looking doctor along with some other student doctors came and had a look at my eye, turns out they had never seen a chronic retnal detachment at the City Hospitol before so all the students wanted a look at me! I waited for a while and then was released to go home...with more eye drops!

I still went for my MRI a couple days later, just to make sure. The results were normal (whatever that means!) and the doctors sent me home a very happy, blessed and greatful girl!

That was basically a really long story to say that God is awesome and He takes care of us. Even in those seasons of life where it seems like He isn't. We need to remember to pray about everything, living in the Joy of Christ and giving God thanks in ALL circumstances.

Clinging

"GOD is by my side no matter what terrain I cover-whether I'm in the wide, open meadow of joy

or on the tough climb through discouragement."

-Jody Houghton