Today I felt my heart breaking. Debbie is moving on Wednesday. Mind you this isn't just a little move as in a couple hours away to Saskatoon move, it's fourteen hours away; two provinces over.
It hit me reeeeally hard today and I pretty much cried off and on all day long.
Now because I am somewhat of a geek I sometimes think in facebook status. Today some of the thoughts I had were "Joni's heart is breaking", "Joni needs some glue and duct tape to fix her broken heart", "Joni is extremely sad". (Did I also mention I'm a bit dramatic at times?) And then tonight at church I was asking God what He wanted to say to me and while I stood there listening this is what He whispered in my heart...
"I want to share your heartbreak."
There are a few passages in the Bible where it talks about God fixing broken hearts, "He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." [Psalm 124:3] but God didn't say to me, 'I want to FIX your broken heart' He said He wanted to SHARE my heartbreak. In Psalm 34:18 it says that God "is close to the brokenhearted". I believe that our God is a compassionate God who is closely involved in His childrens lives. He rejoices with us in our blessings and He allows Himself to share our pain. I really do believe that. Why do I believe that? Because I see it displayed in people.
Ever since the fall of man pain has been a part of this world. Physical pain, emotional pain, people have given all sorts of different labels for pain but in short, it exists. Some people will run when they sense another is in pain and need. It's just true, pain is a pretty tough thing for anyone and some people just can't take it. Some people really like to fix pain, they love to walk into a situation that has hurt someone and do what they can to fix it; to restore or repair the damage that has ben done. Usually when I think of fixing pain and heartache I think of Red Cross Disaster Relief Volunteers. The Red Cross is an awesome organization that will step in when disaster has torn apart an area. Disaster Relief does a lot of really great work in fixing broken homes, restoring lost possessions and returning people back to their normal sitation. Then there are the people who are willing to share others pain. Greg Paul, who wrote God in the Alley said, "Being among people means being in their midst, not outside. It means being with them , not being over them. It means not looking away from their agony or humiliation, but beholding it and having the courage to be also wounded by their pain." Permiting yourself to be wounded by another's pain is pretty deep. It doesn't mean taking their burden upon yourself (since God is the burden bearer, we don't want to be taking His job!) but it means allowing them to express themself and pointing them towards the One who truly can heal their broken heart. It may mean sitting with them while they cry, walking along beside them as they face what's causing the pain, not always having a "right" answer. It might even mean crying with them, going for a meal with them and paying the bill. Sharing pain has many different faces. "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. live in harmony with one another..." [Romans 12:15-16] There are lots of people in this world who are willing to share another's pain: some ministers, trauma psychologists, sometimes it's not a career thing it's just who you are as a person with the people you love.
And since man was created in the image of God I believe that He also is willing to share our pain.
God allowed me to cry today, to be sad because I am going to miss Debbie more then words can express. He didn't scoff at me, ignore me, or tell me to get over it. What He did do is say that He would share my pain and hold me close to Him in this time.
Because of that, I know that it's right to feel this way and I know that this too shall pass.
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